I really need more day activities. Currently, I sit behind the computer in my room alone most of the day, which gives me plenty of time to ruminate on every little stressor in my life. Because, you know, I follow too few people on Twitter to be able to hang out there all day, and I wouldn't want to, either.

My primary nurse inquired about my going to fitness at the mental institution. Last itme I applied, they rejected me because I presumabley need too much help. I'm a little scared that, if they want me this time, they're going to demand I need no help at all, while I need some help navigating around there. I've also heard that it is pretty busy there, which I'm not sure I can handle.

I might inquire about other activities at my institution. Back when I first came to this ward, I was about to put my whole week full of activities, and now I've got only one activity a week besides movement therapy, the social worker and the psychologist. I really am not sure which activities I'd like to do, since I'm scared they don't want me anywhere anyway or it'll be too difficult.

Then, I took some time to look online for courses at the local adult education center. I do Open University courses, of course, but I don't get out of my room that way. Regular university - so-called "contract education" - would be another option, but I gather you're going to sit in with the regular students, which means 200+ people in the room on the courses I'd like. Besides, I don't have the discipline to complete a regular university course on time, I think. Lastly, I fear they don't want me at Radboud anymore anyway. I think the same of the adult education center. Is it internalized ableism to assume that no-one wants me because I've been turned down for so many activities at the institution?

November 2010

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